“I am a 21 year old female college student who became
friends with two guys, Mike and Bob, who lived in my apartment building.
Bob was an aspiring bodybuilder, and Mike was an ex-football player. At first,
I was in awe of their physiques and the size of their muscles. I remember
thinking Mike was one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. From the
outside, they seemed like two guys who had it all together, college degrees,
intelligence, and a strong work ethic since they worked out so much.
When I found out that they used steroids, I didn’t
think it was a big deal at all. I thought it was kind of cool and that’s
what it took for them to get big and stay big in a short period of time.
I work out a lot also, and thought it was fun to go to the gym with them.
And then I started to see the other side to the beautiful
The first thing that happened was University Housing
kicked Bob out of the apartment. The reason he was kicked out was because
he and Mike had conspired to intimidate Bob’s former roommate, so he would
move out and Mike could have a place to stay for free. It must have been
a great psychological win for Mike to get free rent simply because he was
‘intimidating’. After being kicked out, Mike had no money and no place to
live, so he hung out at my apartment a lot. Through many conversations, I
got to know him and Bob fairly well.
Both Mike and Bob were broke, they spent any money
they could get on steroids. Mike’s life was consumed with looking good and
staying big. Instead of searching for jobs, he spent all of his days working
out, prank calling people, visiting a few girls, and his very few friends.
One day, $5000 worth of their steroids were stolen.
A few days later, Bob had to be taken to the hospital after working out because
he was in the middle of a cycle, didn’t have money to get more steroids,
and something was wrong with his blood vessels. Both Bob and Mike were
distraught, not so much because of the money, but because they were going
to get smaller. It’s as if their size consumed all of their thoughts and
At one point, everyone in Mike’s life was angry
at him. His steroids had been stolen, his car was impounded, he had no money
and no place to go and liked a girl who mistreated him and said he was
I found out that Mike lied about being an All-American
football player, lied about how much money he had, and lied about having
a degree. It was as if he wanted the world to view him as something he definitely
wasn’t. He used to be really small and skinny and felt physically and financially
insecure compared to the other people on the team. Therefore, he constructed
a ‘fantasy’ world for himself.
Bob also lived in a fantasy world, imagining that
once he was a successful bodybuilder, tons of women would want to be with
Most women found Mike very attractive, and most people
respected him for his size. But, when in my apartment, he was always restless
and unhappy. He would say really strange things, and just walk out into the
street in front of cars expecting them to stop. He kept priding himself on
how he was ‘the strongest guy at the fitness center’ and would make rude
comments to male strangers. All of my roommates really developed a dislike
for him and banned him from the apartment.
My feelings towards the two progressed from thinking
their size was cool, to anger and fear from their weird behavior, to feeling
sorry for them.
They’ve allowed their happiness, identity, and sense
of self-worth to come almost solely from their physique which can only be
maintained by steroids. It seems like a lot of stress. They constantly have
to make sure they have a good ‘supplier’ and deny to everyone that they use
them. Mike had some characteristics of a drug-dealer, trying to keep a bunch
of things secret and whatnot.
Many people like Mike at first , but then eventually
distance themselves because of his personality. Most of his friends forbid
him from spending the night at their place, and his ex-girlfriend’s parents
would not let him come to their house anymore. Mike’s ex-girlfriend said
to him, ‘Stop taking steroids, they make you crazy.’
Both Mike and Bob seemed to have an insatiable hunger
inside. They keep thinking, 10 more pounds, 10 more and suddenly all of their
problems will go away. Aside from the physical side effects like poor sexual
performance, it seems they’re setting themselves up for another ‘psychological’
Being big has given them a lot of positive feedback,
so I can understand why they crave it so much, but most of that feedback
is superficial. They want a bunch of women, but eventually women who have
only lusted after them can’t give them the level of caring they need.
Furthermore, they like feeling ‘above’ others, but if they are, they’re also
lonely. I would hate to be dependent upon altering my body’s chemistry and
hormones, just so other people would like me, or to hide my insecurities
and fear of intimacy. They’re both struggling with feelings of insecurity
and identity issues. Eventually they will realize that they don’t need to
be big, bad, and strong to get what they want.”